Take Care

For the first time in three years I am not in chronic pain. I can’t believe it! 42 days of eating eight things (with one cheesecake slip) and I am now over all my allergic reactions. No eczema, hives, no itchy eyeballs, no sore heels, no gummy eyes, no nightmares, no sore tummies, no head aches, no strange moods. I’ve begun my testing now. The baddies are cheese, wine, white rice, wheat, coffee and bottled/mineral water. Vodka and carrots, however, are just fine.  Apparently, I went drinking with Bugs Bunny and couldn’t say no.

Today, I went on my first jog in a long time. It’s not that I had “let myself go”. I love to exercise and always have made it a part of my life. It’s hard to exercise with open sores on the legs. It’s hard to put on a bike helmet when the head is bleeding. Most certainly, it’s hard to feel sexy, even in the silkiest of stockings. I have a running track right beside my house. It has a view of the city and a view of the mountains. Down the street is a Crossfit School. I’ll go there once I’ve firmed up and maybe sold “that play” across North America to be able to afford the start up fees.

So…yeah, I’m coming back. It feels good. I’m starting to recognize my face again. I have energy and clarity and good sleep.  I am full of easy-goingness. And the other day I even felt a little…minxy.

It’s interesting to me that I waited three years to take care of myself when my health affects absolutely everything I do. I can honestly say I didn’t have the self-discipline to do so until now. I wish I knew what that magic flip of the switch was. If I could identify it, I could sell a billion books on the subject. I know it has something to do with self-esteem. I blamed my body for the list of tragedies that happened in the past five years. Maybe I didn’t feel my body was worth taking care of. So many decisions are made by the unconscious mind that certainly don’t follow logic at all.

I knew my health affected my work and my colleagues: all of whom I feel are important. I knew, most importantly, my health affected my daughter. But none of that was powerful enough for me to ride above my own self-punishment and my need to escape myself. I did have to come to the point of forgiveness for self. I did have to rack up a few “good points” to be able to look in the mirror. So, getting my finances in order, buying a house, writing some good plays, going on almost every school field trip last year, making a conscious effort to be around friends who loved and respected me and a conscious effort to avoid people who were envious or critical…these things really helped. And so has this blog.

Thank you for coming along for the ride. Take care – of yourself – really.