striving for best ex wife ever

If one can’t be the best wife ever…one can aspire to be the best ex-wife ever.

When I met Michael I knew I wanted him to be part of my family. If you know him, you know why. He’s an incredible guy and a terrific Dad. I am so grateful. Of course we have a whole history that is private. That is tragic. But unbelievably, we’ve come through the other side as loving supportive respectful co-parents who genuinely like each other.

It could have gone another way. We could have easily decided to hold a grudge and feel justified in doing so. We could have easily made life miserable for each other and built up a resentment. We could rally troops and ask friends to take sides. We could have taken each other to court. We could have lost thousands and thousands of dollars and we could make our daughter’s life a living hell. We chose, instead, to clear the air, to be fair, to miraculously forgive.

One of the wisest things ever said to me was from Morris Ertman. He married us. He has known me since I was eighteen. He has directed several of my plays. I drove fourteen hours to have a conversation with him about all this. He reminded me that I made a vow to love, honour and respect. Sometimes the best way to love, honour and respect someone is to not live together. But I made a vow, and I must keep it.

And so, when I come across a moment to celebrate Michael, I do. When I come across a time I can support him, I do. When I come across something that drives me f$%*&king BANANAS I blow it off. He does the same.

This is verging on too personal, this post. But I felt compelled to write it because some of you are in the throws of separation and divorce and I want to tell you, you made a vow. I want to tell you, it is possible to be friends on the other side of it all. Of course it takes two…but it’s possible. I want to tell you…just because things don’t turn out all conventional doesn’t mean they aren’t “right”. It dawned on me today that we haven’t ended up with a failure.