I should really get to bed but this Valentine’s Day feels a bit like Christmas. And it isn’t just the sugar rush. I am excited to greet tomorrow. I keep thinking of people in my life I absolutely love. There are so many. This recounting started as part of my remembrance – yesterday – thinking about how many dear friends came to our side during hard times. But I think it was making all those damn cookies that did it. Nora made cards for everyone in her class and I baked over fifty sugar hearts.
After she went to bed, I finished decorating them and putting them into little bags with ties and Nora’s home made Valentines. It was a kind of meditation. Here’s one for E, cute little curly head with a penchant for snowshoeing. And one for S – with her big dark eyes, smart as a whip, she knows the word for love in at least seven languages. And little dreamy M who chases butterflies and gets picked on because she can’t resist pretending she’s a cat. Nora wrote “to my BFF M…” “to make her feel special”, she says. And then I’m off on my love for this daughter I have the honour of raising. My sensitive little bunny who leaves me a little surprise Valentine that says “you are the best Mommy in the world, Happ day Valentines.” She leaves one for her Dad too that says, “You are better than Valentines Day, Dad.” And my mind wanders like a little monk, tapping a little “bless you, bless you” on all the foreheads of kin I can think of. Family I miss. And then I think of my friends who really wanted children and couldn’t have any…and I reflect on the ways they’ve all poured their nurturing into nephews and nieces, into strays and orphans and those who are just down on their luck. And then, admittedly, I think of the people who are in my life who drive me F’ing BANANAS but I keep them around and they keep me around and we keep trying to work it out. Then I go through some of my little black book: the loves that were important and the pearls before the swine. The people who loved me that I left behind. This takes me into the long long list of esteemed colleagues I love for who they are and also for what they can do. And if you’re reading this, it is very likely that tonight I thought of you. It’s an embarrassment of riches. It all adds up to something powerful and beautiful and electrifying. This love. I am recharged by tapping into the incredible humanity around me.
Happ day Valentines. Happ day.
