Month: July 2014

My Mom is helping out with her church’s vacation Bible school and has made about a hundred and twenty rice crispy squares with little cinnamon crucifix’s on them. Like anything my Mom does, they are aesthetically perfect. At first I thought, “awww that’s so adorable!” And then I thought, “Why is that adorable?! That’s a man dying from torture on those rice crispy squares, that’s snap crackle pop Jesus!” And it got a bit creepy for about five seconds. And then I went back to being pleased again. Why? Hard to explain. It’s sort of like sugar skulls to me….

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My kitchen sink clogs today, right before I head out of town. This is not the sort of thing I’ve ever had to take care of. I had a landlord, I had a husband, I had a handyman downstairs. Now I’m it, unless I hire. The house is mine. And so is whatever is stuck in my pipes. Do I need a tool? Do I need chemicals? I don’t want to do that. Resigned I get online to see what accommodating handy person might be on chat that I could ask. Instead, I get my friend Anita posting me a…

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My head is full of so many moments I am not ready to write about. All the things that make the best stories. And isn’t that like life? I am never ready for the first snow. Never ready for the big new job, never ready for a child, never ready for death, never ready for love. It hits and I blink, take a big breath, and plunge in. Rarely do I shut my eyes and wait for it to pass me by. I had a dream last night that I was walking along a frozen river and I heard the…

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As I reach to wipe the bathroom taps, Lila Downs wailing on my headphones, I notice my cleavage moves when I flex my pecs – from a firm line to a sideways open smile. So I do what anyone would naturally do: I lip sync the rest of Paloma Negra by bust. Who knew my boobs spoke Spanish? They’re damn good. And as they sing, I muse, “Something like this on Youtube could potentially generate more income than all my royalties put together.” My phone binkybinks. Incoming message. I gasp. It’s my boss. I immediately straighten (as if she could…

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