I have two days in Vancouver. Oh I have missed my fellow and he has missed me. While walking up the empty stairs from il Mercato, he spontaneously spins me around by the hips and kisses me passionately mid flight. As we reluctantly part, out of my peripheral vision I spy a husky young man in a courier’s uniform. He side steps us with a huge grin on his face, witnessing a moment I thought we were alone for. His cheeks are flushed bright apple red, like a boy’s, as though I have just kissed him instead.
I understand not rushing into buying a home together if you haven’t ever met his mother. I recommend going on a holiday together and getting lost at least once before proposing marriage. But how ridiculous to think that love has any relationship to time at all. Do we have control over how quickly it happens? Can we speed love up? Can we slow love down? How arrogant to even try to assign a formula that involves time. All we really have the power to do is to kill love. And even then, resurrection has been known to happen.
I think of this as I stare up at a stained glass Jesus with his arms open wide. My fellow goes to a progressive inclusive Christian church and he takes me with him. It’s one I’ve had my eye on for years but haven’t put in the effort to go. The minister is wise and also, miracle of miracles, he’s an excellent speaker! He talks about being “awake”, referencing both Buddha and Christ and being present for Saturday morning pancakes. My fellow likes to sit right up at the front like me. Nobody likes to sit at the front! He respectfully listens to the entire benediction the brilliant organist has lovingly and expertly prepared. Most people yack through it. He stops to say hello to several members, including a few adorable elderly ladies. He gives a few extra dollars for schools and hot lunches. Are you kidding me?! Where has this man been all my life? But if I had met him sooner, would I have been awake enough to see him? Honestly? I don’t know.
Are we in love because we are awake or are we awake because we are in love?
Either way, I know I have the ability and the desire to stay with my eyes and my heart wide open.
